THE MOMENT
"That's wonderful progress already, Mr. Jones," Donovan smiled. He sat in his small white office in one corner of the gym with his newest client sitting across from him. By now he'd come to accept this particular complaint as part of the job. "...letting go of those preconceived notions is a major step forward. And, it's only your first day," he added. "The start of your first day; do you plan to continue today's lesson, or shall I let your spotter go?"
"No, I don't plan to continue today's lesson! In fact, I want my money back! This whole gym is a sham!" He pointed out the window at the young, muscular man with a full head of hair sitting on the weight bench. The youthful muscleman was a contrast to him in every way. His assigned 'Spotter' seemed to only exist to make Moe Jones feel inferior. "I'm willing to accept the fact that maybe I could be more fit," he patted his own beer belly for effect. "And, maybe being able to feel more confident in myself is what I'm looking for. Fine, you convinced me of that and I paid up," he shook his head.
"But, you're supposed to help me...," his voice took on a mocking tone to throw the gym's slogan back in Donovan's face. "'Find my best version!' Bringing in a younger, better version of me from an alternate universe isn't what I want! I WANT THAT VERSION TO BE ME!"
"Well, he is you, Mr. Jones," Donovan replied.
"No, he's not!" In spite of his anger, Moe tried to keep his voice at a reasonable volume. He was struck with the strange sensation of embarrassment; he didn't want himself to see himself lose control. "I'm me! I don't care how much we look alike," he ran his hand over his thinning hair as an insecure reflex. "He's someone else."
"Mr. Jones, I'll be happy to give you your money back," Donovan smiled. "Here at Sharp Gains, we're part of Sharp Development. Now, that may not mean much to you; but, our reputation is important to us. However, in order to help us learn more, please be specific. What exactly about our service dissatisfied you after only five minutes?"
"YOU!" Moe blurted the answer louder than he meant to. He felt a strange tremor of shame crawl down his spine when he saw his doppelganger glance at him through the office window. "This place!" Moe lowered his voice again as he worked through his frustration.
"A friend recommended this place to me; she said she really found herself. That's all I want. I had some doubts when you told me about the referral bonus; but, she was different enough that I was willing to go along. Now I see it all clearly. You're just one of those pyramid schemes in gym form! You make me buy the premium 'AlterNet Me' package and chat me up with promises of helping me find myself. Then, you just pull in some yokel from an alternate universe and plop him down in front of me. You relax and pat yourself on the back while you wait for me to bring a sucker in! Well, I won't be a part of that."
"Oh, I see..," Donovan nodded. "So, you don't actually have a reason, you're just chickening out. That's acceptable too, you're welcome to quit the gym any time you like." He turned and reached into his desk drawer to pull out a ledger and a small bundle of cash. "I can give you cash now if you'd like, or if you wait a few minutes I can get someone to cut you a check."
"I'm not chickening out! You're not giving me what was promised!"
"Please don't take this the wrong way; but, I'm going to have to disagree. Although, maybe it's just a simple miscommunication. What do you think I promised?" Donovan asked.
"To help me find myself!" Moe replied. Donovan nodded.
"We might need to take that deeper, I still feel like I've delivered on that. What does 'finding yourself' mean to you?"
"Your slogan is 'We help you find your best version', "Moe repeated. "That's what I want, I want to be my best version. It's really kind of discouraging to already show me a better version of me on the first day!"
"I thought your argument was that he ISN'T you?" Donovan asked.
"Stop trying to confuse me!" Moe said. "He's NOT me. He's a version of me... that I could never be...,"
"Well, not if you're going to give up after five minutes," Donovan chuckled.
"Oh don't pretend it's anything deep!" Moe shook his head. "I know how you businesses work. You use language loopholes to your advantage. As far as you're concerned introducing him to me is 'finding myself' and your job's done!"
"Well, that's not exactly it; but, yes," Donovan nodded. "I consider my job to be done already. Since you seem so fond of our slogan here, I find it funny that you're missing a keyword. Here at Sharp Gains we only 'HELP' you find the best version of yourself. You still have to do the majority of the work yourself. Though, we do mean to help you find that version in yourself. I feel like you're the one that's maybe focusing on things too literally. The reason we bring in other versions of people is simple. Who is more qualified to help you find yourself than yourself?"