THE MOMENT
"That's a question, isn't it," Corvus chuckled at his new arrival. The dead, confused man wouldn't be there long. If he kept jumping to the wrong conclusions, Corvus wouldn't have to do any work this time.
"Yeah, I'm asking!" Jeff nodded. This wasn't the brimstone and fire he assumed, nor the pearly gates he hoped for. Jeff was an Atheist in life; but, as soon as he realized he was in the afterlife he was willing to admit he was wrong. He expected to be sent to Hell just for being an atheist; but, it seemed like he still had a shot to get into Heaven. Though, he didn't know how from there. It was dark and gloomy except for the well-dressed man sitting at a desk in front of him; he seemed to radiate his own light. Greek-style marble pillars rose high into the darkness and faded. "I want to be in Heaven, how'd I get here? Are you Hades?"
"My name is Corvus," he smiled. "What is it that makes you think you're in the Greek afterlife?" he asked.
"LOOK AROUND!" Jeff didn't mean to yell; but, he'd had a trying day so far. His death was wearing on him, emotionally; he didn't need any games right now. "The pillars! The special, 'underworld-murk' everywhere, and not a whiff of sulfur. I'm pretty sure I remember crossing a river just now...," he said. "Obviously, this is the GREEK afterlife. I don't belong here; I'm AMERICAN!"
"I suppose that would make it rather obvious to some...," Corvus nodded. "...so let's change it up." Corvus snapped his fingers and the gloom vanished. All at once, he was assaulted with lights and sound. He shook his head to reorient and found himself sitting across from Corvus.
They sat at a red booth inside a loud, crowded restaurant. Kids ran around unmonitored, screaming and laughing. Delicious scents filled Jeff's nose as an array of bells and buzzers emanated from one corner of the restaurant. A large, steaming hot pepperoni pizza sat on the table between them.
"Is this more fitting?" Corvus asked. "We have other things to discuss; but, we'll never get there if you keep holding on to outdated ideas." He didn't expect to get much discussion done with Jeff; but, he was still trying to keep him off-balance until this session was over.
"Outdated ideas?!" Jeff went through the small effort of taking offense. "Your civilization already fell over 2000 years ago! It's 2023! It's your model of the afterlife that's outdated!"
"Our time's almost up, so I guess I should do a little bit of my job...," Corvus said. He met Jeff's eyes and smirked. "In your next life, try not to start leaping to conclusions; just,... in general," he said.
"Huh? I'm dead, right?" Jeff asked. Corvus nodded. "What do you mean my next life? Where are my pearly gates??"
"Ohhh, there aren't any," Corvus replied.
"There are in MY afterlife!" Jeff replied. Corvus let himself reply with a hearty laugh.
"See, this is what I'm talking about; you're still assuming things," Corvus said. We both agree you're dead, correct?" Corvus asked. Jeff nodded eagerly.
"And... here you are...," Corvus picked up a slice of pizza and held it up to Jeff in a mock toast. "..after your life. Wouldn't you agree that this is YOUR afterlife?"
"NO!" Jeff yelled. But, his outburst attracted no attention; everyone else was busy having fun. "Someone clearly made a mistake!
"Mmmhmm," Corvus nodded as he chewed. He swallowed quickly. "So, that must've been your God that made that mistake, right?"
"God doesn't make mistakes!"
"So, here you are," Corvus nodded. Let me tell you how it really works; you'll have a lifetime to process it," he said.
"There is no 'Greek' afterlife, I just like the aesthetic. There is no 'American' afterlife. It's just, THE Afterlife. It's not even a permanent existence, there's no 'Heaven' per se. It's just a quick stop to gather yourself for the next round. Review your mistakes and set goals to work for in your various alternate lives; that's my job. I'm your caseworker."
"You're lying!" Jeff replied. He swiped the pizza off the table in anger. But, the pan and pizza disintegrated into white powder and disappeared before they landed on the carpet.
"Ohh, c'mon," Corvus shook his head. "You don't want to go into your next life carrying all that distrust. It's bad for my metrics. I thought you'd be happy. You didn't believe in anything before."
"I'm aware that I died; I feel it," Jeff said. "I thought there'd be ... nothing. But, there is! I want to go to Heaven!"
"But, there isn't," Corvus chuckled. "It's just a quick breather to get you back in the game." Corvus checked his watch and Jeff panicked.
"I don't want to do it again! I want my eternal reward!" Corvus grinned broadly, and Jeff heard a beep. His vision started to darken around the edges and the cacophony of playing children began to dull. But, he heard one last response for Corvus before he was born into a new world.
"You got it," Corvus nodded. "Did you want it all in a row? That sounds boring."