THE MOMENT
"That's crap," Wilbur shook his head and chuckled. Sure, the red-skinned woman in front of him also had bent, narrow obsidian horns growing out of her head like an impala. But, it was only with the help of the horns that she was almost as tall as him. She was a petite woman with a tail that caught his eye as she walked him into her office. The skin, tail, and horns were enough to convince Wilbur where he was; but, he thought her navy blue suit was a nice touch. But, she was still a woman and obviously secretary to the REAL devil.
"You don't look like the big guy at all," he said. "You don't look like... anything," he added with a chuckle. He knew why he was there; he'd made himself quite infamous in his lifetime. As his life flashed one last time when the end finally came; he considered it a highlight reel of some of his most heinous acts. Wilbur died with a smile and the bitter sulfur that was waiting for him when he woke up again almost felt like home. He was slightly surprised by the small waiting area he found himself in. There was standing room only despite having over a dozen open windows, attended by clerks. Though, they seemed more interested in attending to their own business on their phones than calling up whoever might be next. It wasn't the Hell he expected; but, the incense burners filling the air with Sulful indicated a very specific effort.
Wilbur had no idea how long he waited. It wasn't long enough to get a seat; but, eventually, someone called his name and delivered him to Satan's Office. That this tiny woman opened the door was surprising enough on its own. But, now they were seated and she claimed to be Satan. He wasn't going to have it. He'd dedicated his life to meeting the guy and she wasn't going to stop him.
"Mr. Burson...," the woman shook her head with a faint smirk of amusement. "SATAN is not a person; it's a title. A position in the grand scheme of the universe. It's a desk job," she pounded lightly on her obsidian desk for effect. "At the moment, that job is mine; you may call me Julie if you like."
"Julie?" Wilbur scoffed.
"Yes, Mr. WilburBurson," Julie giggled right back at him. She deliberately said his name quickly.
"So, then, why am I here, Julie?"
"You did quite horribly in this latest life of yours," she said. Her words gained an instant tone of formality. "This is Hell, after all,"
"I'm not an idiot," Wilbur shook his head. "But, maybe I could spell it out with more clarity for you, Miss," he said. "Why am I in your office instead of being tortured?" He already had an idea why. And, the more she insisted she was Satan, the more he was sure. She needed his help. A man's help.
"I'm sure you can imagine...," Julie began with a flat, formal voice. "...the staffing demands for Hell are quite challenging. Recruiting souls like you are one of the methods we use to stay on top of those demands and keep Hell running smoothly for everyone," she said.
"You're offering me a job?" Wilbur grinned. She was direct with it at least. "What's in it for me? Besides, not being tortured obviously," he said. He recognized the powerful position he was in. The countless people he'd killed, directly and not were all worth it. He only wanted to meet Satan and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the big man himself. He had no idea Hell was run by such a weak person; a woman at that. He'd be in charge of Hell within the year.
"A life," Julie answered. "Hell has nurtured a nice, quiet community with work, good neighborhoods, a dating pool, and so on," she said. "We'll help you find a position that makes use of your talents and give you somewhere to live," she said.
"What?" Wilbur tilted his head. That wasn't what he imagined this moment to be like at all. He wanted to go to HELL! Not HOA meetings. "My talents are torture and pain, where do I get that job?"
"Oh, you don't qualify for any of those jobs," Julie shook her head. "Hell is far too efficient to give those jobs to people who want to do them."
"What??" Wilbur shook his head to clear the confusion off and focused. "But, it's still a powerful position, RIGHT?" he had a flash of panic when Julie stood from her desk. He stood with her. The meeting was ending and he felt like he was about to lose all his negotiating power. Hell still needed him.
"I mean, I was horrible. The things I did... all the people I hurt... I was the worst in life!" he boasted. Julie crossed the room while he bragged and opened the door for him with a cheerful smile.
"You're an intern, Mr. Burson," she said. "You were very, VERY bad... AT life," she nodded. "That's why we offered you this position; to learn. We're hoping that you'll do better once you see how it's supposed to be played."